Played by a Player
I was played by a player. Who also happened to be a diagnosed Sociopath and psychopath. I believed he was in it to help me with a boss that had it out for me but what I didn’t know he was telling her anything that would get me out the door. Believing that he was the only person who had my back I later learned he was the only person that strategically placed the many knives I slowly felt enter my back over time.
How do you recognize this in the workplace before it happens to you?
Experts claim that psychopaths and sociopaths share similar characteristics. They lack a sense of what’s right and wrong and are incapable of truly understanding another person’s feelings.
The difference between the two is that the psychopath doesn’t have a conscience. He could lie to you about the job, tell you that you’ll get a promotion and bonus when he knows full well that you won’t. He’ll look you dead in the eyes and say your job is super safe and secure right up until the moment he fires you.
A sociopath is the psychopath’s little brother. He has a bit of a conscience and recognizes that he’s lying to you, but does it anyway.
The corporate world is lousy with psychopaths, sociopaths and antisocial people. Some industries, such as Wall Street, are said to be overrun with these sorts. There are studies that claim you have to be on the high end of the psychopathic spectrum to attain the exalted title of CEO at a top corporation.
The challenge for all of us nonpsychopaths is that it’s hard to tell if you’ve accepted a job from one or find yourself working for this type of character. You may start working for someone that seems brilliant, articulate, sensitive, caring and supportive. As time goes on, you realize he may not be all that he seems.
They don’t have any regard for others. They’ll come across charming and charismatic and mimic real emotions. They’ll pretend that they’re interested in you, but they really don’t know what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes. They’re skilled actors who feign interest to manipulate you for their own personal gains and corporate advancement.
Sociopaths tend to be hot headed and spiral out of control. They’ll call you out in front of your colleagues and bite your head off for minor mistakes. It’s most likely not even your fault—and probably his. There is no talking to the boss, as he is right and you are wrong.
You’ll labor on a difficult project for months. You’ve sacrificed nights, weekends and family functions to deliver for your manager ahead of schedule. Proudly, you provide the finished product. Behind closed doors, he happily and excitedly tells you how proud he is of you. And then at high-level meeting with manager and peers to present the work, your coworker takes all of the credit. He pretends that you weren’t involved at all.
He controls every single aspect of your job and work-life. You are subjected to endless degradation, constantly being criticized and corrected. He tells you where you need to be and for how long and disregards the fact that there are four other of “him’s” you also work for.
What’s funny—as if anything can be humorous in this hellhole, The official word from your manager is, “According to top management, there will be no raises or bonuses this year.” Mysteriously, you later find out that your coworker received a phenomenal raise and much bigger bonus than last year. All due to your business you brought in for him.
He knows everything about everything and will make sure that you and everyone else knows this. His job, his life, his work and his relationships are the only things that matter. He will spend hours complaining about how difficult it is to be him. Even uses being an Orphan as a sales tactic but degrades a coworker for using losing kidney functions as his sales tactic. Everyone that has lost jobs is due to him however he and HIS boss is the last ones standing in unity. He will call it divide and conquer because he knowingly creates dissent and animosity between co-workers, pitting them against each other for any morsel of credit, raise or promotion. And wins.
There is almost no way to win if you’re in this situation. My best advice is to recognize that you’re working for a monster and find ways to extricate yourself from this situation.
The longer you remain in this toxic relationship, the more your self-esteem and confidence will be eroded. You’ll feel beaten, humiliated and depressed.
Treat this like any bad relationship. Cut the cord and your losses. Move onto to a place that appreciates all of the great things you have to offer. I did.